oh pity me…

Oh pity me… Rant rant… My life is at a all time low. Call it the mid-NS life crisis. Feeling the blues…

First things first, it’s REALLY not my fault that I “don’t have a life”. The last thing I need is someone who’s unappreciative of NS. And, no offence but it usually comes from the opposite gender.

“Do you watch *insert some random angmoh TV serial like Glee or House*?”

“Er…”

“Oh wait you’re in NS, you don’t have a life”

Maybe she said that without ill intent but it’s REALLY annoying how insensitive people can be towards NS. Here I am, making the most out of NS, hoping that whatever little I contribution I give to the SAF as a young second lieutenant can change a little something and there’re people who probably don’t give a shit. And treat you like shit. I mean I’m serving the nation here. At least TELL me what’s going on in your *insert some random angmoh TV serial like Glee or House? And for the record, I DON’T watch those shows anyway. Fallout 3 is waayyy more exciting. Muahahaha. But anyway, it really does hurt to be cast aside by people you’re trying to protect. Bah.

Sometimes you wonder in your bunk whilst staring at the ceiling. Why the **** did I have to go through 9 months of OCS, tekan, torture and flood of nonsense to do what I’m doing now? I carried half my body weight for more than 8km, ran my lungs out to get GOLD for IPPT, bruised a few fingers stripping the GPMG in record time, get punished for absolutely no reason or for someone else’s crime. Now I sit in the office, clearing email and running almost half the battalion. Ok maybe I overestimated myself, but I do run at the very least a small degree of the battalion. It almost seems that all that training has gone down the toilet. Mental strength, physical tenacity? My privates clear emails better than me. what the fish is going on? So here I am, trying to find my place in the whole stream of the SAF. Till I find my answer, I’m still going to be staring at the ceiling.

Second, there’s this special someone who is REALLLYYY getting on my nerves and poking me the wrong way. Pardon the understatement. This person is probably the personification of irritation. Honestly all I need is one little shove to get him/her/it out of the way but I don’t really know why I’m not doing that. I’m too merciful..

Third, I’m being consumed by my own pride. As much as I enjoy waiting for someone’s pompous arrogant ass to come crashing down to the depth of the Atlantic, I realise that I am too being that pompous arrogant ass. I’ve come to believe that I can do anything on my own. That help might sometimes just get in the way. I use my past achievements to thumb down others. I laugh at the weak. How often have I found myself using “officer power” or indirectly pulling rank. How often do I undermine a weaker acquaintance’s academic achievements with my own. I’ve been blessed thus far. It’s time to share God’s blessings for God did not bless us to be proud but to share it with everyone. So splash some cold water at my face, I’ll never be proud again. For I came from humble roots and humble I shall stay.

 

Ok, totally random but I found this pic lying around in my com. A Starcraft battlecruiser made from Spore! Quite nice hor?

Battlecruiser operational

Spore Battlecruiser

 

Reminisce

Another year has come and gone and it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I’ve been really busy nowadays, hardly have time to sit down and blog. I admit, I kinda lost interest in blogging some time back but I’m on FIRE again! Haha. So I’d just want to use this blog post as a kind of reminisce.. So many things have passed, i guess it’s time to put them all down in this online memory storage, so to speak.

First things first. A levels are over. It’s hard to believe sometimes, even now but the reality is that A levels are REALLY over. It’s not a dream, the worst has passed. (honestly, i feel taking the exams are worse than receiving results) I can still remember how I was a quivering wreck the night before the first paper. It was Maths if I remember correctly. I was so afraid if I blew my only chance. With a abysmal A level cert and no O levels to fall back on, I’d be the joke of society. Hand picked to join the Integrated Programme but turned out to be an academic failure. That was my nightmare. Of course there were other nightmares of a wretched life if I blew my exams, parents screaming, everyone shaking their heads, laughing when they read the papers and so on. It was a very terrifying experience that I feel nobody should go through. Even if people say that it builds character and shit, it’s not something that everyone should be put through.

As the exams started, everyone develops the exam mentality. It’s paper after paper. Everything’s drilled into your head. Our brains are so saturated that exams is all we could think about. The tension wears off as everything becomes very mundane. Before you know it, A levels are over. Shouts and screams of joy filled the hall. I didn’t scream nor shout (ok I did shout a YEAH!), but heaved a sigh of great relief. It’s over. It’s over..

After A levels, life was just as busy. But busy doing things I’ve always wanted to do. Of course spending lost time with my dearest Darling took up most of my time, but I had the time to do practically everything I always wanted. I found time to read books, build my gundam models (I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this), rear fish… The list goes on. Life is good, but it’ll last only till 27th of April cuz I’m going into Tekong Resort on the 28th. ahahahaha.. *laughs sick twisted laugh*

Anyway, looking back, I realised how A levels have affected my character. I feel that I’m more mellow now and I dared not reach for the stars. A levels exposes you to many things. It shows you how small you are relative to the entire batch of candidates. If you thought you were a small fish in a big ocean, go one more step lower, plankton in a big ocean. With this kind of discouraging exposure, it’s hard to keep an optimistic outlook. I’m not saying that I’m emo and all but it’s really difficult to believe that one can beat the odds and evolve from plankton to a whale. Of course some are able to do it and I do know people who, by sheer hard work, have achieved this and they earn my full respect. But for more mediocre people like me, I guess being plankton is enough. Just keep out of harm’s way. No more spontaneity and no more vitality. Even Tammy noticed. A levels is a truly humbling experience. Perhaps over-humbling.

Now’s the time for scholarship hunting. While everyone’s scrambling to find the perfect scholarship, I’m sitting back and watching the world go by. Some accuse me of being “atas”, because I can afford to pay for my university tuition fees without a scholarship but to me, hunting for a scholarship is delving deeper into the rat race. Once A levels was over, I was so relieved to be out of the rat race for a short breather before being sucked into it again. Scholarships are about the prestige. Of course some need the money, but others are just so fervent in their hunt for glory. To me, it’s almost pitiable. Or maybe it’s just me being sour grapes because no way I can get a scholarship. What’s the point in applying if I can’t get it. I mean it’ll be nice to have a scholarship and go overseas to study but what for bother if I can’t get in? Convince me otherwise if you may but touchy subject for the time being. (Maybe I’m ranting, not too sure)

Ohwells, at least I get to be with my beloved again.

Anyways I’m giving tuition now. So whoever who is in secondary school, primary school or in JC, please feel free to approach me for help with math or science subjects (except JC maths, I’m not very confident of that). Visit my star tutor page! http://startutor.sg/19571