Hope (2)

I was rummaging through my blog and I found this old poem that i wrote almost a year back, I shall add on to it, for today is just as hopeless as yesterday.
 
God has placed all of his hope on us.
And I keep none for myself,
People look at me and they do not trust,
a hopeless person such as me.
 
Who else can I be?
With all that I have and am,
Beyond the horizon I cannot see.
Nor do I bother,
cause it’s too far away from me.
 
I sit in my dirty little corner,
Thinking about who I am.
A worthless hopeless loser,
Never did I hope,
That the horizon would come any closer.
 
I begin my endless quest,
to see beyond the horizon.
My only hope that beyond the horizon,
lies the best.
 
After ages past,
I find myself,
Back where I was,
In ages past.
 
Is this where my hope is?
No, replied the sand,
it lies just over the horizon.
Right where I was in ages past.
 
Hope.
It brings you back to where you are,
to realise that there is none.
 
______________________________________________
 
I awake from my dreaded slumber
half hoping i would be somewhere else
but that hope has eluded me
and I still have much to fear
 
I look towards the horizon
just like in ages past
that chest of hope which lies beyond
was nothing but lies and scorn
 
I turn to my surroundings
and round me is naught but dust and ash
pieces of me I did conclude
as much as I am fading
 
Turning into dust and ash I must be
and the land of shadows drawing near
I consider giving up
for beyond the horizon lies my remedy
 
Is this where my hope is?
No replied the endless sea
It lies just beyond the horizon
Search for it and be at peace
 
An endless quest should i have to journey
to retrieve my remedy
where ever you are, my dear beloved
please return to me
 
 
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When it just sucks to be me…

Haiz, it just sucks to be me now…Grounded till I pass my maths, which means promos, so no form of entertainment till 2 months time. Garh, I think I’ve lost it. I can’t study anymore. Yeah I’m setting aside time to read my notes and do my tutorials now but it’s all superficial. YOu think you know but you don’t. Throw a new question and I’m stumped. And I hate being an IP student now. All the pressure to perform is getting into my head. Sometimes i just feel like telling ppl to STFU! People are going: Aayyy…you IP lei, thought you very smart one? or Wha, you IP right? Eh, you lose to *insert ulu secondary school name* student lei. Mudder-sons….If you’re so good then why aren’t you in IP then? You think it’s easy? Why must I be compared to other people who have a shit-load more time to study than me? Who trains for up to 5 times a week and faithfully goes for EVERY training? And on top of that, who makes an effort to gel the class together by taking the time to plan activities, make some videos for everyone to reminisce, remember people’s birthdays to make them feel loved? And on top of that, who else almost single handedly planned SLV? If you can do all that and get better grades than me, let me know, I’ll bow down to you and call you master.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
why am I wallowing in self-pity?

Vui sparks

Operation trebuchet commenced yesterday 19/7 at roughly 1430 hours. As part of our v sparks thingy, where IP students are forced to serve the vjc community (sth like a second SLV, sianz…) my group, namely team bahnep minus da stig plus alot of other random ppl liek Perle, Pris, Rachel, Cheryl, YamJJ and erm…wait, that’s it lol. With Mr Har to supervise of course. Team bahnep has been building and test firing da trebuchet aptly named the trojan bunny since it looks like the one from Monty Python and the Holy Grail while the rest have been MIAing or AWOLing…But ohwells, all of us who built it had a shit load of fun. Especially by sitting in the 2x2m box marked out on the floor where the projected tennis ball is most likely to hit, with a 7.5kg weight and 0.9m sling. The sight of the tennis ball almost hitting your head is most thrilling.
 
Conducting the workshop however was much harder though. I had to give a safety briefing and a rundown on what to do after the little "lecture". The kids will prognosticate, using a simulator, which conditions will launch the tennis ball into a box roughly 20m away from the trebuchet. I shall give a brief run down of the briefing…
 

First up, CRANK DA ARM!!!

Safety ON!!!
 
 
Insert hoop onto da MEMBER!!!
 
 
LOCK & LOAD!!!
 
 
Locked and Loaded
 
 
Tighten ropes!!!111
 
 
Insert FIRING PIN!!!
 
 
RELEASE SAFETY!!!
 
 
FIRING in 3…2…1…
 
 
FIRE!!!
 
 
Watch it…

Cool shot of the trebuchet against the evening sky on one of the test-firing days

After giving the briefings, I had to go and help prepare the trebuchet for firing. I even brought a little burgee to indicate wind direction and so to adjust firing angle of the trebuchet. The first group of students were fine, they were eager to try out the trebuchet and willing to listen and learn more about ballistics and stuff. HOWEVER, the second batch of students were a pain in the ass. If I had my bokken, I’d have snapped their spines. They think violating safety measures is a joke. One of them almost pulled the firing pin as i removed the safety rope. Yikes, if that happened, the member would have tore a piece of my face off. They still laugh at me, for being me, liek WTF??? They find the pictures of me in the step by step safety briefing HIGHLY amusing…Mocking the team when the trebuchet malfunctioned, complained that the simulator is lousy, complain about "non-ideal factors" like wind, blaming the team for such non-ideal factors and such. But the worse was calling me TOMMY. Hey you little bastards, if you want to talk behind my back about my face, nails, or how guys with long nails are supposed to be like is fine. But you scums have no respect for someone 4-5 years older than you. Proper name is fine, but no nicknames, only sailors and relatives can call me that, simply because they are same age or older but you little *ucktards can go bug off. And a small piece of advice on me, stop hitting on girls 4-5 years older than you too. Grow some balls and some brains. I pity Pris lol, she was in such an awkward position. The other groups from that batch were better although their lack of enthusiasm was HIGHLY noticable. I wonder why they’re here though. Prolly forced into coming. Some have absolutely no interest in what’s going on. I shall not point fingers at what schools though.

Haiz, it was tiring day after everything. After packing up and complimenting each other for a job well done, at least we hoped so, we went to join the other 06v13-majority bio group who was making poison in the form of bread balls. After taking pictures and stuff, the main group went for dinner and Wong, YamJJ, Keith and I headed home. I was grounded so cannot go for dinner. My grades were CSSSD. Liek WTF, epic FAIL!!! Haiz, must buck up… Anyway, it was an eventful day, I’ve learnt much and gained much, especially the comfy east-zone science fair cotton t-shirt! 🙂

 

Random thoughts
Ok, here’s some random stuff that i thought of. What seperates man and animals. We share the same biology, with our DNA not being very much different from primates, we are biologically not very different from animals. According to the darwinian theory, we are just merely primates who are just higher up on the evolutionary ladder. Some say that we have souls and minds whereas animals don’t. It’s hard to say, really. Biologically, i’m not supposed to be thinking about such things. My instincts just tell me how to survive, not think about how different i am from monkeys. Animals follow instincts i suppose, but alot of animals deviate from such behavior. A trained dog will do tricks for a praise from its master. (Notice i did not say do tricks for food or treats, cuz it’s a "instinct" of some sort, action leads to food/enjoyment) Why would a dog do that? It doesn’t gain anything physical, it’s wasting energy. We could say that the dog loves its master. But wait here, isn’t love a human emotion? If a dog can love, is it human? Well, we certainly treat them like humans, at least the cuter ones. Well, back to the topic on love, most people consider emotions a human-only trait. But emotions are triggered when the brain releases certain chemicals. So injecting endorphins willl make me high, just like drugs. If i detect a girls pheromones, i may subconsciously fall in love with her (debatable fact). So does this emotions mumbo jumbo really set us apart?
 
Some also think it’s religion. We worship a higher being and animals don’t. We’re concerned about our spirituality and animals don’t have souls. So what? So what if homo sapiens sapiens worship self created gods (I’m speaking form a secular POV, I’m christian and there’s definitely God out there)? How do we know if future primates which evolve into human-like beings won’t start to worship gods. Religion could be an instrument that animals of this evolutionary rung possess. Monkeys don’t consider themselves better or seperate themselves from fish just because they can use tools. And the thing about souls is that nobody has been able to prove that humans have souls or, on the other hand, animals having souls. The soul is a man-made concept, not because of some natural law that causes us to have souls.
 
So what really distinguishes humans and animals, I do believe we’re different, but how do we prove it?

I’m back!!!

Hello all, sorry this place is gathering dust. Hardly have time to blog anymore. Time goes by really fast and so much shit has happened. Happy shit and sad shit and shit that’s yet to come. Haiz… Well i better get started and jot down some important stuff before my memory fails me…
 
Spots Day 2008
08s66 decided to take part in the 8x50m novelty event. We were so on about it that we even went to design Star Wars costumes to fit this year’s theme. Nichan and I were ninjas in a AT-AT. Basically a huge gray box lol. But on sport’s day itself, we discovered that there was NO 8x50m. So everything was a flop and an EPIC FAILoneoneone… Anyway here are some memoirs of sports day 2008
 

Fang Xiao as Amidala, Peng Rui as Darth Maul and Chris (lolwut) in a mega failed Droideka suit

Group shot, Ah Yuan as Boba Fett and the 2 ninjas in the background, Pris in her cheerleading outfit and random people standing around lol

 

Fun fair shot…

Service Learning Venture

Ah…bittersweet memories. Crazy day of organising games for a bunch of rowdy lower primary school kids. Around 40+ of them. And Ms Koh just had to arrow me as the "liason" between the CT reps and the rest of the class. Basically the Sai Kang head, doing all the shit work. Preparations were fine, SK team had LOTS OF FUN shopping for equipment, watching Iron Man together (that was a cool movie, loved it ALOOTTT), and doing the sai kang…
 
Running the program itself was a nightmare, coordinating the games and stuff. whew bad ass stuff i say…Ended up REALLY tired and with a hoarse throat. But as a class we all had fun and stuff. It was a good experience. And good experience come with CIP hours :))))) Anyawy this event really made me think what it’s like to have kids. I dunno if the kids behave differently when they’re with their parents and things like that, but they’re really … … hard to handle. Anyway if I had kids, I will never patronise them. Any relatives who patronise them will get a cold stare from me. I guess its important for kids to understand reality sooner. Then they won’t be so emo or distraught when they hit their teenage years. Of course, I won’t rob my kids of their childhood, play all you want, but do understand that the world does not revolve around you.
 
Anyway here are some of the more memorabe SLV photos taken…
 

The first game Captuure the Flag turned out to be a crazy mad dash

Hui Wen and I demonstrating how to play the relay race

Best costume award!!! Btw, I helped design the pharoah…lol

 

Interschools Championship
Geez, can’t forget about sailing. We’ve been training like **** for this competition. Even had a 4 day 3 night camp in school to train. Camp in school for the night and cycle to NSC to sail…But while in school, we’ve been doing crazy stuff like cycling on the track, climbing the roof and operation STF (soap the field). Yup we really did put soap on the field. Sliding around like free. We put shampoo on one corner on the field and slide around, super fun but you get black stuff in your pants because of the synthetic turf. And of course, we did it while it was raining. You need the water right?

Anyway, it is time for our interschools yet again. This time we couldn’t bring down ACS(I). We’ve tried our best but it wasn’t enough. The wind wasn’t favourable for us. But I shall not blame the wind. Haiz…looks like our 8 year kill streak has ended. I feel sad that it has to end on my batch. I’ve been in VJ for 3 years and we have to lose it this year. Well, defeat is hard to swallow but we’ve learnt our lessons and it’s time to move on and kick our opponent’s asses next year. I guarantee that.

Well, the girls got their 1st with ease. And guys got 2nd. But it was the day of defeat for all of us.

Anyway, some photos of Interschools

Julian and I with Gabriel in the background, all ready to sail…

All the guys in the sailing team, 420s in front, Lazers at the back.

The whole sailing team, where would i be without them…

Ok, I guess that’s about all for the brief recap but there’s so much more that happened, just that I can’t remember. Haiz, getting late, nid to sleep. Tmr got 3 periods of chem tutorials…zzzZZZ JC life is getting VERY mundane…so i’m finding every way and means to entertain myself…