I am already dead

Well, the only bad point about being dead is that you can’t be alive and you can’t enjoy doing all the things that you can do when you’re alive, but when you’re alive you miss out on being dead and all the subsequent good things to follow…But that’s just absurd right? Correct but how about being alive and dead at the same time? That way you can have all the benefits of being alive and dead right? I shall follow the footsteps of my fren Wong Neng Wei who is always half dead, or half alive and the Arbiter who claims he is already dead after being stripped of his rank as commander of the Covenent armada.
 
Well, IP life is really sucking the life out of me. Not only the stress and homework but it’s the social environment. Everytime I step into class I get this very tense feeling. I know of alot of backstabbing incidents and even a small action of yours can trigger a BIG effect. A big action will trigger a MEGA-HUGE effect. Trust me, I know. I almost lost all my friends after one incident. That was probably one of my biggest regrets. I still feel the after effects of it. Funny huh, nobody seems to care if you’re thinking something, if you write it down…BOOM! Everyone starts swarming around pointing fingers and yelling at you if they get a hold of whatever that is that you’ve written.
 
Haiz…so much of the tense situation, I feel it’s an error on my part that’s why I’m getting his feeling. That’s why it’s good to be dead. Dead in spirit and mind but the body is alive. You’ll become immune to anger, hate and worry. Dead people cannot feel these emotions. No way man…And that’s a good thing. Nothing seems to matter to you anymore. Because you’re dead. You can’t care or bother. Nothing can bug you. And if you’re dead. You’ll find it’s easier to forgive people because the hurt they do to you doesn’t register. It just bounces off or something. And I’m dead most of the time.
 
But of course being alive is good too. You can make friends, love, eat blachan chilli, head shot brutes and enjoy a campfire. I really miss the campfire during the holidays. It has this sort of healing effect, when it’s just you, your close circle of friends, the campfire and your marshmallows. My mistake was spending too much time trying to keep the fire going . I should have sat back, relaxed, lie down on the poncho, gaze at the stars and feel the heat of the flame…It really heals your soul. And of course, you have to be alive to do that…
 
Haiz…being alive is definitely more pleasant but being dead is so much better. No one can see through you and you can live your own dreams in your little world of the dead. It takes energy to be alive. I remember being a bundle of energy at the start of the year, then it decreased and with recent events all the energy got sapped away and now all that’s left of me is an empty shell, the ghost of the Ult. Camper…The only comfort I get is smelling the sea and sailing. Keeps my mind off things…
 
I am already dead. Nothing can hurt me. I can hurt no one. Just a shadow of my past. Staying at the same spot never moving…Observing what goes on around me.
Because my name is Shadow Camper…
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3 comments on “I am already dead

  1. Cynthia says:

    you commited suicide

  2. Kevin says:

    wah lao kope my feeling oso can..
    haha…
    no la rlly. most of the time i\’m dead oso…
    and i tink about it.

  3. Y-Lynn says:

    Angst.

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