Something’s wrong with me. Seriously. I keep dreaming of people trying to kill me, that’s wierd lorz. Even wierder, I manage to escape and kill them instead. But that happens very occasionaly, most of the time it’s me getting killed. And I can remember these dreams in vivid detail. Once it was a bunch of guys chasing me off a cliff, a scary and mean looking guy with a pistol, ninjas with swords all sorts of wierd things. Something’s wrong with me. It doesn’t affect my daily life but it sure is wierd. It only started this year, before that was nightmares of not handing in homework on time and or flunging exams (I dream alot of wierd stuff). Maybe I dream of what I’m afraid of. (Yes I’m afraid of not handing in homework on time, I will panic) But I’m not afraid of death, probably the act of people trying to kill me. Dunno what’s the reason. There’s only 1 thing I can think of.
Can u remember the article on the Today newspaper about this boy planning to kill his class bully? If you can’t then here’s a summary. This mother saw her son’t exercise book filled with different plans to kill the people who always bullied him. yah that’s it. And he’s only erm, P1-P3? Not sure but very young and he can come up with plans to kill someone, of course they won’t work and he will not carry them out but he can plan these kind of things. Scary huh. Tell u sth even scarier. I’m like him.
I don’t put my plans down on paper, I rehearse the ambush constantly in my mind for a few days. Of course I won’t carry them out but if I do, I believe I can achieve my "mission" with extreme efficiency. And likewise this started when I was very young as well. As you all know my sirname has always been the object of mockery since I was born. This led to alot of unpleasant circumstances. I don’t fight back. That’s my weakness, I always run away or ignore them. But if I don’t fight back doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just can’t bring myself to hit another. Maybe I’m too seft or something. I always believe that if I strike another it must be for a good cause and name calling isn’t good enough. But if I’m angered to a certain extent, be prepared to face my wrath. Fortunately that hasn’t happened. Somebody felt the wrath of my nails once caused a rather deep wound to that deserving bugger. Anyway back to plots. I’ve always had them. If I can’t kill someone, I’ll think of how to kill them then I will feel more at peace. Maybe to show that they’re not always that powerful but have alot of weak points. (I always go for the neck, figuratively and literally).
So much for making grand killing plans, now it’s the reverse. I’m the one getting killed. Is this some kind of payback I’m getting for making such sinful plans? Oh well. Hope these dreams go away, it’s disturbing… …It’s affecting the unconscious part of me…