I am already dead

Well, the only bad point about being dead is that you can’t be alive and you can’t enjoy doing all the things that you can do when you’re alive, but when you’re alive you miss out on being dead and all the subsequent good things to follow…But that’s just absurd right? Correct but how about being alive and dead at the same time? That way you can have all the benefits of being alive and dead right? I shall follow the footsteps of my fren Wong Neng Wei who is always half dead, or half alive and the Arbiter who claims he is already dead after being stripped of his rank as commander of the Covenent armada.
 
Well, IP life is really sucking the life out of me. Not only the stress and homework but it’s the social environment. Everytime I step into class I get this very tense feeling. I know of alot of backstabbing incidents and even a small action of yours can trigger a BIG effect. A big action will trigger a MEGA-HUGE effect. Trust me, I know. I almost lost all my friends after one incident. That was probably one of my biggest regrets. I still feel the after effects of it. Funny huh, nobody seems to care if you’re thinking something, if you write it down…BOOM! Everyone starts swarming around pointing fingers and yelling at you if they get a hold of whatever that is that you’ve written.
 
Haiz…so much of the tense situation, I feel it’s an error on my part that’s why I’m getting his feeling. That’s why it’s good to be dead. Dead in spirit and mind but the body is alive. You’ll become immune to anger, hate and worry. Dead people cannot feel these emotions. No way man…And that’s a good thing. Nothing seems to matter to you anymore. Because you’re dead. You can’t care or bother. Nothing can bug you. And if you’re dead. You’ll find it’s easier to forgive people because the hurt they do to you doesn’t register. It just bounces off or something. And I’m dead most of the time.
 
But of course being alive is good too. You can make friends, love, eat blachan chilli, head shot brutes and enjoy a campfire. I really miss the campfire during the holidays. It has this sort of healing effect, when it’s just you, your close circle of friends, the campfire and your marshmallows. My mistake was spending too much time trying to keep the fire going . I should have sat back, relaxed, lie down on the poncho, gaze at the stars and feel the heat of the flame…It really heals your soul. And of course, you have to be alive to do that…
 
Haiz…being alive is definitely more pleasant but being dead is so much better. No one can see through you and you can live your own dreams in your little world of the dead. It takes energy to be alive. I remember being a bundle of energy at the start of the year, then it decreased and with recent events all the energy got sapped away and now all that’s left of me is an empty shell, the ghost of the Ult. Camper…The only comfort I get is smelling the sea and sailing. Keeps my mind off things…
 
I am already dead. Nothing can hurt me. I can hurt no one. Just a shadow of my past. Staying at the same spot never moving…Observing what goes on around me.
Because my name is Shadow Camper…
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10 things we can learn from an Ice Cube

Yes, there are things to be learnt from an ice cube. I was chewing one (bad habit, eating ice) in the hot afternoon and then I realised that I can learn from an ice cube too. I think u have to be in my context to fully grasp my interpretation of an ice cube…
10 things we can learn from an ice-cube…
1. Ice cubes love company. Can you imagine a situation when u are dying for a cold drink and you open the freezer to find only one ice cube?
2. An ice cube may be small, but a bunch of ice cubes work wonders
3. An ice cube has the ability to adapt to it’s surroundings. Take it out of the freezer and it turns into water
4. An ice cube is strong. You can’t squish an ice cube (at least with your hand).
5. Even when an ice cube is crushed, it can melt into water and freeze itself back into the same ice cube
6. It’s not easy to make an ice cube. Cherish that little cube you have.
7. Stay cold if you want to stay useful
8. Doesn’t matter what shape you’re in, so long as the ice cube is cold
9. Don’t worry, a large chunk of ice is always at zero degrees, so is an ice cube.
10. Chill when neccessary…
 
Okay I think these are the 10 things that I have learnt from an ice-cube. Haiz…Even normal day to day objects can teach us such invaluable lessons…

Are we bluffing ourselves?

I just revisited the class blog recently and did a random right click and this pop-up saying 06V13 rocks…er…popped up. Ok diaoded nvm, then it got me thinking…Are we bluffing ourselves? Ok people are going to hate me for this but again and in other times, this is my honest opinion.
 
06V13 rocks…in what sense? Class unity? I think that is totally wrong. Quoting somebody saying,"Our class sucks, *(school name) is much better than this."
"No, I think it’s okay what."
"I still think *(school name) is better"
This conversation was held in January and this person had foresight…My previous class was like this also, comprising of multiple cliques that didn’t want to have anything to do with each other. There was no class spirit and class comm was non-existent. The only experience that I had with my "class" was within my little clique. Jun Han was in it you can ask him about my class condition. Now after half a year in IP, I think 06V13 is almost the same thing. Just that we can work together in dire times of need, eg. Cultural night. But other than that we all try to minimise contact. Another thing is what I call the class spirit deception. Do we have class spirit? Do you feel that you can connect to every individual in the class? It’s this lie that we continuously tell ourselves. 06V13 rocks! Even me, a person from 06V13 can doubt that. I think it’s quite hard for me to explain to you how I view this matter but if you get it go think about it and see how we can improve the class.
 
If you are a 06V13 fanatic who really thinks that 06V13 rocks and since I doubt that I should go to hell kind of person, please take a step back and view things in my perspective. As I must always say, this is exclusively from my point of view and I may be right or wrong, the purpose of this entry is to identify the root of the problem and solve it, not to say that 06V13ians suck or anything.
Pls go think about it…

sumting es rong

Something’s wrong with me. Seriously. I keep dreaming of people trying to kill me, that’s wierd lorz. Even wierder, I manage to escape and kill them instead. But that happens very occasionaly, most of the time it’s me getting killed. And I can remember these dreams in vivid detail. Once it was a bunch of guys chasing me off a cliff, a scary and mean looking guy with a pistol, ninjas with swords all sorts of wierd things. Something’s wrong with me. It doesn’t affect my daily life but it sure is wierd. It only started this year, before that was nightmares of not handing in homework on time and or flunging exams (I dream alot of wierd stuff). Maybe I dream of what I’m afraid of. (Yes I’m afraid of not handing in homework on time, I will panic) But I’m not afraid of death, probably the act of people trying to kill me. Dunno what’s the reason. There’s only 1 thing I can think of.
 
Can u remember the article on the Today newspaper about this boy planning to kill his class bully? If you can’t then here’s a summary. This mother saw her son’t exercise book filled with different plans to kill the people who always bullied him. yah that’s it. And he’s only erm, P1-P3? Not sure but very young and he can come up with plans to kill someone, of course they won’t work and he will not carry them out but he can plan these kind of things. Scary huh. Tell u sth even scarier. I’m like him.
 
I  don’t put my plans down on paper, I rehearse the ambush constantly in my mind for a few days. Of course I won’t carry them out but if I do, I believe I can achieve my "mission" with extreme efficiency. And likewise this started when I was very young as well. As you all know my sirname has always been the object of mockery since I was born. This led to alot of unpleasant circumstances. I don’t fight back. That’s my weakness, I always run away or ignore them. But if I don’t fight back doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just can’t bring myself to hit another. Maybe I’m too seft or something. I always believe that if I strike another it must be for a good cause and name calling isn’t good enough. But if I’m angered to a certain extent, be prepared to face my wrath. Fortunately that hasn’t happened. Somebody felt the wrath of my nails once caused a rather deep wound to that deserving bugger. Anyway back to plots. I’ve always had them. If I can’t kill someone, I’ll think of how to kill them then I will feel more at peace. Maybe to show that they’re not always that powerful but have alot of weak points. (I always go for the neck, figuratively and literally).
 
So much for making grand killing plans, now it’s the reverse. I’m the one getting killed. Is this some kind of payback I’m getting for making such sinful plans? Oh well. Hope these dreams go away, it’s disturbing… …It’s affecting the unconscious part of me…

untitled

One day while surfing the net I came across this dot picture and I copied and pasted it here. Haha talk about plagiarism but anyway I found it very interesting and I would like to dedicate it to somebody.

……… , . – . – , _ , …….
……… ) ` – . .> ‘ `( …….
…….. / . . . .`.. . . .. ……..
…….. |. . . . . |. . .| ………
……… .. . . . ./ . ./ ………..
……….. `=(.. /.=` ………..
…………. `-;`.-‘ ………….
…………… `)| … , ………
…………….. || _.-‘| ……….
…………. , _|| .._, / ………
……. , ….. ..|| .’ …………..
…. |.. |.. , . ||/ ……………
, ….` | /|., |Y.., ………..
… ‘-…’-._….||/ …………..
…….. >_.-`Y| ……………
…………. , _|| …………..
…………… ..|| …………..
…………….. || …………..
…………….. || …………..
…………….. |/ …………..
……………………………..

U are my rose and my only rose

My love for U is greater than the number of dots U see on this picture

Just want to say it here that this rose is for you

because I’m too shy to say it to you in person

Everytime I see U I get this feeling

I know that I may not be your ideal guy

but I can change

for U

And I know that we’re not together or even close friends

But I just want to say that

this rose is for U

and

I

Love

U

Wednesday life

Today was amazing. I am so proud of what I’d done. It was a tiring but rewarding day for me. And I’m loving it. Stupid dreamweaver course proved to be … um… stupid. But that’s because I’m an IT idiot. I didn’t understand half of what Mr Astley was saying at all. But I still managed to come up with my own webby! And not bad some more… I actually managed to create a website! Something I can never imagine myself doing in my entire life…Well maybe things change. And then for sailing later on in the day, I think my tacks are almost competition ready. At least I thought I improved alot but my muscles are still too weak. Sometimes I can’t even pull myself over to the other side. Stupid harness, restricts your movements and it’s really irritating. It’s a curse and a blessing actually. It’s only a blessing when you need to hook onto the trapeze wire. It can save you alot of effort. But…that thing is a harness, well that’s what’s it’s called. And you know how a harness works right? Two freaking straps that pass in between the legs and then connect to the spreader(or waist strap). Those 2 straps make u look as if you got giant balls or sth. And when you’re hanging on the trapeze wire and encounter a wave that makes you jerk up and then slam downwards… let’s just say it’s irritating. It kinda hooks onto anything so you get stuck when you’re trying to move esp. when you’re trying to trapeze. U can’t get onto the wire fast enough because u got stuck and the boat capsizes. Then you’re going to get a very angry and very wet helmsman.
 
Another lifter was the World cup. Finally something good to watch. Netherlands and Argentina. I’m an Argentina fan so definitely Argentina is going to win. Either that or draw. I predict a 2-1 victory for Argentina. Netherlands can go spin their windmills because Argentina is going to win! Muahahahaha…
 
Anyway today was a good day, managed to finish the freaking LA assignment as well. Yippee!

“class outing”

Yay, today we were supposed to go East Coast to play in the sun or in the GREAT outdoors…I was super excited, almost couldn’t sleep last night. not alot of ppl came for the outing. Which is a good and bad thing. Bad because too little ppl. Good because…I shall not say. Anyway there were only 8 ppl. We were on our way to ECP, guys walking in front and girls at the back. Suddenly I received a phone call.
"Thomas, the girls want to go Suntec. SOme haven’t done their Father’s Day shopping. They say they planned already…"
WHAT THE???? You are trading East Coast for SUNTEC??? HELLO!!! WHo’s running this place man? It’s a scam!!! "they say they plan already…" WHAT THE??? It’s a scam!!! So much for East coast man. I was so looking forward to frisbee but no….Go watch movie…and shooping. Sheesh.
Worse still, they want to take a CAB there. Hey you people got money I don’t okay? Nvm, the guys ran after bus 36 and took it to Suntec. Over there we went to watch Garfield 2 which was horrible. It wasn’t even funny, very cheesy though. I managed to buy my father’s day present but I don’t think the girls did…So much for shopping. We were wandering around like lost souls in Suntec. Then after a while at approx 1 pm, they pang seh us and went home. Sui lah! Now only left Kevin, Jun Han, CK and me. Heck, now what? Nvm, since there all guys…we’ll revert back to the original plan…East Coast Park…
So we took a bus back and rented 4 bikes for 3 hours at a cost of only $5. CAN U BELIEVE IT??? $5??!! 1 hour get 2 free.WoHo. OMGosh, this is so much better than the freaking movie… So we cycle around, went to get wood and tinder for the CAMPFIRE later. Managed to find some small bits of charcoal. Whoah it was very windy and cycling was damn shiok. It’s just like riding a powerboat in open sea. The rush of the sea wind but minus the bumpy ride. WHOAHHHHHHHH. So Shiok man…After cycling we went for dinner at one of the hawker centres. We didn’t order rice or like a meal individually, we pooled our money and bought, half a chicken, char kuay teow, oyster omelette and rojak. Everything cost about 5.50 per person. And this is so much better than Mcdonald’s Wha damn shiok. 4 guys and tons of food. Ultimate bonding session.
After we returned the bikes we laid down our poncho somewhere, and started the fire…
The best anticlimax. The gas lighter I brought broke. It BROKE DAMMIT!!! Nooooooooooooo! Nvms we went to buy a cigarette lighter. Haiz. Then we ran out of tinder. The freking wood wouldn’t catch fire! It was wet lah…it rained leh…So we used newspaper, tissue paper and deoderant. it’s flammable btw. spray onto the wood. And after numerous attempts, finally the wood and charcoal cought fire and started to burn…YAY! Finally we have our campfire. Now it’s time…MARSHMALLOWS!!! Yah so we roasted marshmallows over the fire and ate it with sand and stuff. Okay minus the "stuff" just sand. CK bought pringles and soft drinks and we ate like siao. Rhoda and Priscilla came over later to enjoy the flame…Whoo! Camping spirit. today was such a fun day. Lying down on the poncho and stargazing…shiok lah. And the land breeze bringing in the smell of the sea…Ah…Life started to get better…