Friday…kena fried…

Lag entry all events were supposed to occur on Friday, 21 April
WoHo! Last day of Helmsman. Cherish it man… After that it’s full steam ahead again…Once I was in the Electives Hub 1 (I was the first) Mr Yang was there and he spoke to me about the Signatures I collected for the Zoo Trip. I didn’t know it had to be in pen and I didn’t know that it had to be given to Mr Koh…Alright, maybe it’s my fault that I didn’t do it in pen (I love pencils and I do stuff in pencil) but HOW AM I SUPPOSED to know that he’s supposed to give it to Mr Koh?? Okay so he wants me to see him after electives. Alright, another "tea for two" session. Yeah right…
Anyway before I await my bloody fate might as well make the most of it. Like some cancer patient liddat. At least I have my group to cheer me up. I love my group. Somehow we just couldn’t come up with a group name. There were a few ideas, Super Marios, Superhahas and My asshole. Geddit? "My asshole be back by 7:30" and so on…Hahahaha. Lols. And for the last day of I & E week, we watched this documentary called Deep Dive. A documentary on Innovation and Enterprise. What struck me most was this. Do first and ask for forgiveness rather than ask permission then do. Then I thought to myself. Have I taken the "do first and ask forgiveness later" for granted? I think I’m very self-centred, I only think for myself, I don’t really and I can’t think or care about how I affect others based on my actions…And I’m second in command. What a shame…I’m a noob trying to lead…
Then after all the joy and laughter during I & E session and the dioded and stunning electives ( not because philo is fun but Caitlin’s obsession with Mr Lim is) it was time…
Mr Yang and I went to pull a chair from the 8-seater table beside the staff room. He started. I shall summarise what he said to me or what I thought he was trying to say to me and my feelings at that time. Firstly he talked about the signature thing. Why do I need to get it done 3 times before I get it right? Am I really that inefficient? Mr Yang has only given me a few stuff to do as secretary and treasurer but why do I feel overloaded? He then went on to set aside class initiated activities and school initiated activities. I thought it through and yah, I am truly being bugged down by class initiated stuff that I neglect school-based activites. And Mr Yang said that he was very dissappointed in me. Why didn’t it occur to me that Mr Yang had to hand in that sheet of paper and it had to be done in pen? Mr Yang was dissappointed because I didn’t show that level of maturity and all. WHAT THE??? How am I supposed to know? Always double-check he says…yah so it’s my fault and I rightly bear the blame. Everyone’s always been trying to drill in the fact to double check for like since I was born? And till now I still can’t get it right. I really am self-centred. I take things into my own hands. I do things MY way…I’m not used to answering to anyone. I’ve always been accountable to myself. If I make a mistake I rightly bear the blame…Which is now. I’m a noob trying to lead
Then he started to talk to me like I’m the CT rep. Just because I’m helping Lis take on her task because she’s busy with debates doesn’t make me responsible for everything…MAybe I am because I started it and I have to finish what I started. So it’s a self-initiated task, not by the CT rep or by Mr Yang. So if anything screws up it’s my fault…I rightly bear the blame. But he’s accusing me of something because he heard some talkl by some people out there about me. Go talk to the whole damn class comm. Not just me. Our class comm. is falling apart and so is our class. Don’t talk to me like I’m the WDCC (whole damn class comm. as ahmad calls it). You ask me how’s the class doing culturally. As in as a class, class spirit and all. WHY YOU ASK ME???  Because you have the impression that I’m "supposed" to do everything just because some clowns say that I am? Go ask the welfares. I’m too used and I’m supposed to being the slave of the class, the small fry, the object of mockery where ever I go. Don’t ask me about all these things. The title second in command is ornamental like how my cardboard armour can’t withstand a single shit. It’s my first time taking on such a monumentuous task. I’ll glady give it away and retreat back into my secretary/treasurer shell. And he says that to be an effective leader I must first know how to follow. Well, I have. I’ve been following all my life. Remember my election speech? I’ve been following and have seen all sorts of horrible leadership everywhere that’s why I’m stepping out to make a difference and you guys aren’t helping me to help you! Everytime I give an announcement who actually listens? No wait, who actually knows that I’m giving an announcement? Huh? And everytime I ask for opinions who actually tells me what they honestly feel instead of "dunno leh…" "See how…"??? YOu guys aren’t helping. And now I’m getting screwed because of you…Please help okay? I dun mind getting screwed upside down and getting whack by all the PE teachers and all if I know that you guys are participating. Alright? So help me help you. Then  he went on to ask, then why people dun listen to you? Is it a problem with you or a problem with them? It’s a problem with me. Because I’m a noob trying to lead… I’ve gotten my nose too high, I thought I could handle all these things but I CAN’T! I’m a bloody noob who thinks he can do a better job than everyone else but all I can do is NOTHING!!! I can’t get anything right. It’s me not the class that has a problem. HEAR THAT??? IT’S ME! The class is like a constant, it can’t change. And I’m some shit. I rightly bear the blame… I can’t tell this to Mr Yang if not I’ll be worse off than before. And the Crap board. Welcome to VIP, and VIP can’t tolerate crap and therefore VIP can’t tolerate YOU! Either change or pack up and go back to VS.
Alright that’s enough about the screwing session. Enough pain and agony. Allright, I’m not the person that will just shout I can’t do anything for long. I’ll change okay…If the VIP wants a cold person devoid of humour and to accounts to everyone then okay. If you want it I’ll give it to you. Happy Birthday. But so far I’m still a noob trying to lead…It’s my fault okay? Everything that went wrong is my fault, don’t deny it. I can;t deny it. Failure of Opec, failure to paint classroom by open house, failure to unite the class, failure to get the skit for Cultural Night, failure for everything. Therefore people think i’m an asshole because I can’t get things done and so does Mr Yang. Yay! Now everyone knows that I’m a failure. Whoppee! And I know it too! Yay! And what’s going to happen next? Nothing! Because if it’s started by me it’s bound to fail. WhooHoo! If it’s bound to fail then why do I keep trying? BEcause I LOVE failure, I’m a failure by nature Muahahaha. What’s another fall compared to the thousand other falls you just had? Sometimes I fall so hard that the road cracks. And today I just found out that I was meant to fall it was just how it was meant to be. Haha, I love failure. It’s a way of life…
And as I walk back to the classroom my legs just felt like a ton and my heart twice as heavy. I step into class and I see people screaming. Everyone doing their own stuff. Now I ask myself," Is it my fault that people are screaming when they’re not supposed to? And that everyone is doing their own stuff?" Probably so. I needed some time alone so I went out of class and did some self-reflection. And along the corridor, I saw the horticulture club planting shoots into holes that they just dug. I’m probably like the hole. I’m actually nothing. You dig and dig and you still find the same old muck. After digging you fill it up with the shit you just dug out and place a flower on top of it to make it look good.
Anyway I’ll like to thank Kenny and Nicholas for hearing me out. Thanks alot, I really appreciate it. I was really shaken that day.
And for the debate finals we lost to TA, haiz. Well there’s nothing we could do about it except vow to thrash them next year and all. I didn’t enjoy the debates becaue my mind was on the class and myself. I came out with a solution to solve the heck care attitude in our class and I was refining it during the debates. Sorry I can’t put my mind to supporting our team but I hope my presence made a difference.
I fully realise that I don’t have the capabilities to control the class and that I’m a noob trying to lead the cream of Singapore. Therefore Mr Yang is right about me not having the level of maturity that is expected from a leader and his motion must stand.
Thank you

One comment on “Friday…kena fried…

  1. Keith says:

    Hey…relax man.personally i don\’t(& can\’t) see anything wrong with wad you did.btw…i think you *****************, ******* you do have a sense of humour .keep it up!
    P.S. dont mind the censorship….i dont think someone would like to see it lol….

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